One of the many important steps in 12-Step programs for addiction recovery is the process of making amends. Beyond simply apologizing for a mistake we’ve made or wrong we’ve committed, making amends shows our commitment to being honest, developing understanding, taking accountability, and implementing change. Whether or not the person we’re making amends to is able to forgive us, committing to this process is a powerful and courageous part of our recovery.
Taking Inventory as Part of Making Amends
In 12-Step programs, another important step we take as part of our recovery is the process of taking inventory of all the wrongs we’ve done in our lives, particularly surrounding our addictions. Many of us living with addiction find that we’ve hurt people and done things we deeply regret, often when we were under the influence of our drug of choice. The process of taking inventory can be overwhelming since we’re confronting head-on some of the many regrets we’ve been running from.
Sometimes, the act of getting high was an attempt to escape those wrongs. We’ve been consumed by guilt, shame, and regret for as long as we can remember. Along with our shame, many of us have experienced what is referred to as “self-stigmatization,” a form of self-deprecation coupled with the social stigmas around addiction. Our drug of choice has been our means of trying to escape those painful feelings.
The Relief That Comes From Making Amends
Now, in recovery, we’re no longer running from those feelings. We’re being asked to face them head-on without numbing them with an addictive substance or behavior. One of the ways we can process the pain of those emotions is by making amends. This can bring us much-needed relief and can help us better cope with feelings of sadness and depression.
Expressing to the people we’ve hurt just how badly we feel for hurting them means we’re being honest with them and with ourselves. Owning up to our mistakes and being truthful about them after years of not being able to can be a source of relief and comfort for us. Avoiding the truth can greatly exacerbate our emotional pain. Finally, facing the truth can lift a tremendous amount of emotional weight from our hearts and minds.
Honesty and Understanding in Making Amends
With honesty comes understanding. When we’re able to be honest with ourselves and the people we’ve hurt, we’re better able to understand who we are and how our addictions have impacted everyone involved. True recovery requires self-reflection and understanding. For years, we’ve been avoiding the truth about ourselves and our addictions. Once we can be honest with ourselves, we have a chance to develop the capacity for deeper understanding. Understanding ourselves and our addictions with more clarity allows us to create transformation in our lives, including doing whatever is necessary to maintain our sobriety.
Seeking Support
When we can be honest with ourselves about the mistakes we’ve made, we can better understand why we made them in the first place. With this newfound understanding, we can actually begin to do things differently moving forward. One thing we can do differently as we’re making amends is to approach our recovery with help and support, rather than on our own, at a treatment center like Athens Area Commencement Center. Having support can help us prevent ourselves from perpetuating some of the same patterns.
Taking Accountability as Part of Making Amends
Making amends to the people we’ve wronged allows us to take accountability for those wrongs. For years, we’ve been weighed down by the tremendous amount of regret we feel. Part of that regret has included our inability to take responsibility for the things we’ve done. Not being able to own up to what we’ve done has only made us feel worse.
Learning From Regret
We can begin to alleviate that regret by shifting how we relate to those mistakes. Living in regret doesn’t demonstrate a commitment to change, but taking accountability does. When we take responsibility, we’re doing something intentional with our regret rather than simply dwelling on it. We’re allowing it to fuel our positive progress rather than continuing the same patterns. Analyzing and understanding our regret allows us to move forward with more intentionality, more purpose, and more integrity.
Owning Our Mistakes
Our addictions feed off our patterns of emotional avoidance. Taking accountability for our wrongs is a way to shift the trajectory of those patterns. Instead of following down the same path of making the same mistakes, regretting them, but still continuing to make them repeatedly, we can choose to do something different. We might be less likely to make the same mistakes once we’ve genuinely owned up to them. In taking accountability for those mistakes, often for the first time, we become fundamentally different people capable of powerful transformation.
We know we want to make different choices, treat people differently, and live our lives differently. It can be hard to do that before we’ve fully accepted the things we regret, however. We’ve grown accustomed to using denial as a defense mechanism. Once we’ve truly owned up to our mistakes, we can start to actually implement the changes we need to make.
Receiving Support While Making Amends
Treatment centers like Athens Area Commencement Center offer group sessions and 12-Step meetings, both of which can support us as we make amends in recovery. This level of emotional work can be difficult, but having loving support can make it that much easier. Opening ourselves up to the help available to us can lighten the emotional load of our work in recovery. Our efforts to become better, healthier people can be bolstered by the support of caring people who have undertaken a similar journey.
Our recovery is more than figuring out how to stop using our drug of choice. It’s also a process of examining our mistakes and learning from them. Making amends to the people we’ve hurt is a critical part of that process. By being honest with ourselves and other people and by taking accountability, we can begin to create lasting change in our lives. Our addictions thrive on our inability to be honest and hold ourselves accountable for our mistakes. Once we move through those blocks, we can create new lives based on truth and integrity. At Athens Area Commencement Center, we’re here to help you every step of the way. Call us today at (706) 546-7355.