Watching a loved one struggle with addiction can be emotionally arduous, to say the least. Their refusal to get help can be painful for us. We want nothing more than to see them happy and well. We’ll do whatever we can to help them.
Sometimes, we do things that we think are helping in the moment but which can actually make things worse in the long run. We might monitor their usage, count how many drinks they’ve had, or dispose of their drugs or alcohol. While we have their best interests at heart, this can actually be detrimental, both for our own well-being and for the success of their recovery.
Dishonesty and Denial Before We’re Ready to Get Help
We come to discover that our loved one isn’t actually ready to get help. Our attempts to control their use can’t possibly override their determination to get high. If we dump out their alcohol, they will most likely simply go get more. When we count how many bottles of alcohol they’ve consumed, they may go to greater lengths to hide the bottles from us.
When struggling with addiction, we tend to conceal our use from anyone who might try to intervene. We will lie to protect ourselves and our addiction. Oftentimes, we’ll deny we have a problem, especially to ourselves. Denial and “self-deception” are hallmark characteristics of addiction. When we’re that determined to preserve our addiction, there isn’t anything anyone can do to stop us.
As we’re watching someone we care for continue to choose this self-destructive path, our efforts to help them can feel futile. We can lose hope and feel absolutely helpless. What can we do when a loved one won’t get help?
Staging an Intervention
One thing we can try is to stage an intervention. Staff members of professional treatment programs and therapists who specialize in addiction recovery can join us, along with friends and family, to confront our loved one about their addiction. We can talk all together to voice our concerns. Rather than being accusatory, which can create defensiveness, we can bring up our own feelings and how worried we are. We can remind our loved one how much we care and that we’re all there to help them get better.
Contacting a Treatment Program to Get Help
An important thing we can do is provide our loved one with the contact information for a nearby treatment center like Athens Area Commencement Center. We can even offer to call the center together. Feeling nervous about asking for help is often a major reason why we’re resistant to getting help in the first place. Knowing someone we love is there to take the first step with us can make all the difference. Remind your loved one you’ll be there to drive them to the treatment center when they’re ready to get help.
Family Support to Get Help
We can help our loved one by committing to support them throughout their entire recovery. Knowing they will have ongoing support can help put some of their fears to rest. Having family support can actually be instrumental in helping them recover. Facilities like Athens Area Commencement Center offer family counseling sessions. We can support our loved one by attending these sessions together as a family. Because addiction is a family disease, we can confront the family patterns together that might be contributing to their addiction. If our loved one isn’t ready to commit to a treatment center, they might be willing to give family therapy a try.
Attending Meetings to Get Help
Another important way we can help is by attending 12-Step meetings with them. Opening up to a group of strangers can feel impossible. They might be more willing to try going to a meeting if they have a loved one there with them. We can share with them that going to meetings and having a sponsor is one of the best things they can do to improve their chances of recovery.
Stopping Our Patterns of Enabling
One of the most important ways we can help them get better in the long run, as hard as it can be, is to stop enabling their addictive patterns through our own choices. An example would be making the choice to stop giving them money whenever they ask. If they have a history of asking for money to pay bills but then using that money to buy their drug of choice, continuing to lend them money would directly enable their addictive patterns. We can make the choice to stop that pattern so that we’re no longer enabling their addiction.
Joining a Support Group if They Won’t Get Help
Perhaps the most important thing we can do for ourselves when a loved one won’t get help is to focus on our own well-being. There are support groups like Al-Anon for friends and family members of those struggling with addiction. Going to meetings of our own teaches us that we can’t control our loved one’s actions. We’re not responsible for their addiction or for their recovery. The choice to get better belongs to them. We can support them, but we can’t do the work for them.
Having Faith They’ll Get Help When They’re Ready
If our loved one isn’t ready to get help just yet, we can try to trust they will get help when they’re ready. We can practice having faith that their recovery will unfold as it’s meant to. When they’re finally ready to get help, for example, once they’ve hit rock bottom, taking that step will be so much easier for them. For many of us in that position, sobriety becomes a matter of life or death. Once we’re truly ready, we know we must get help in order to survive, and we become determined to get the help we need.
We can feel powerless when a loved one struggling with addiction isn’t ready to get help. It’s so easy to lose hope. Often, we don’t know where to start. There are some key things we can try in order to support our loved one, and there are many helpful resources available to us. We don’t ever have to go it alone. Athens Area Commencement Center is an addiction recovery treatment center located in Athens, GA. We’re here and ready to help you and your family whenever you’re ready. Call us at (706) 546-7355 today for more information on our treatment programs and how we can help your loved one start their journey of recovery.